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Sales Letter Excerpt

This purpose of this letter was to generate leads for a company that finds potential "quick" deals for real estate investors.  The target audience in this case includes owners of distressed properties or owners who are living in another location, making it inconvenient to take care of the property.  Note that the information within brackets indicates customization for the recipient when a mail merge in word processing software is completed.

The Before Version:

Dear [Owner]:

Landmark Investments is actively seeking properties in your area. We have real estate investors who have contacted us looking to purchase single-family homes in your neighborhood. They are ready to buy immediately and have been pre-qualified.

Our company truly stands alone in the field of bringing investors and sellers together. Over the past ten years, we have earned a reputation of honesty and integrity that is well known in real estate circles. What makes us different from other companies is that we help owners of distressed properties and owners who are currently living at an inconvenient distance from their properties connect with investors without paying big commissions. We work on a flat fee basis, and that fee is paid in full by the investor. There is no cost to the seller!
... and the letter continues

My Comments on the Rewrite:

Readers need to immediately see an answer to the question:  "What's in it for me?"  That's where a compelling headline comes in handy.  You'll notice that I converted the opening paragraph from an "us" focus to a "reader" focus.  The benefits-oriented copy continues into paragraph two, with personalization of their neighborhood name included.

The After Version:

Dear [Owner]:

As a homeowner, you undoubtedly know and appreciate the value of this important asset. So when the time comes that repairs cost too much, or ownership is challenging because you live elsewhere, you start looking for options that will bring you maximum benefit with minimal cost. That’s where we can help.

Landmark Investments works with a network of reputable, pre-qualified real estate investors who are actively looking for properties like yours. In fact, we’ve had buyers recently contact us about availability of homes in [insert neighborhood name here]. They are ready for a quick sale at a fair price. We are ready to handle all the paperwork and arrangements. All you need to do is close and pick up your check. No commissions from you; no hassles; no need to do repairs.